I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
