Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
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