I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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