I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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