At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
