K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
