So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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