i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
