I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
