He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
