And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
