im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
