There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
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