I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
