so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I need to stop coming to work sober
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
