Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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