When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
