Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
