I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
