Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
My vagina just clenched in fear
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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