I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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