I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
