I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Randomize
