Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
