i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
