is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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