Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Randomize
