If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
