I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
