oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
