Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
