and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize
