I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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