um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
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