batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Randomize