the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Randomize
