the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
