he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
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