U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Operation Purity has been aborted
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
