How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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