Swine flu. Run for my life!
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
