and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
