so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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