I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
