You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
