you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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