Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
