im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
