his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
