sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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