So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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