last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
The power of my boobs compel you
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
