remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
