I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
