So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
i love accidental penises.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize