it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
