My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Randomize
