She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
