I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize
