Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Randomize