And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize