i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
vagina is talking i cant
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
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