Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
people are starting to question the shark bite story
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
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