Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
