I'm laying in your front yard are you home
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
