it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
