I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
