so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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