SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
