Just cropdusted the office
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize