Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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