I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
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