I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
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