Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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