This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
