Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
