What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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