You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
