Swine flu. Run for my life!
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
