Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
