I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
