yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
