Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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