my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Your penis caused this!
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